Today I am going to teach you how to eliminate shyness in 60 seconds. That’s as long as it takes if you do these 2 steps. So this is going to be useful to you if you ‘ve ever been out because I know I have. And then, you, all of a sudden, just get trapped in your head. And, maybe, some of you left the conversation, maybe it was that someone you did know entered. Whatever it was, all of a sudden, the things that you have to say don’t seem as clever or smart or funny, or even worth expressing, and your hands, you don’t know where to put them. You can’t put them here; you can’t put them here.
It just feels uncomfortable. So I want to help you dispel that so that you don’t hesitate and wind up missing opportunities to connect with people that you care about. The first step is going to be this. When that moment of shyness hits and the hands don’t know where to go, you feel that you’ve got nothing worthwhile to say, instantly, recognise this and stop trying to do anything, and just exist. In fact, let yourself suck.
When I feel this happen to me, it sometimes happens when I’m out at a bar or a club, and I have been separated from my friends, and I am feeling myself alone and feeling like I don’t really want to jump back in the conversation with anyone, but what I used to do was go Hey, you have got to you have got to be fun. This is your YouTube channel, and you ‘re on Charisma on Command. You got to do it, and I’d force myself at that moment. Giving yourself 20 to 30 seconds to stand there and go, you know what? I’m going to suck.
I don’t feel like doing this right now. It’s such an amazing reboot. So what it looks like is I’ll be out and I will my hands will drop to my side. I’m not going to smile I’m not going to make or create eye contact. I might wander a little bit, and I’m going to do as little as possible. And what this does is it frees me because what shyness is when you don’t feel like the things you have to say are enough, when you don’t feel like the way that you feel is enough, or good enough to engage with other people.
Kill Your Shyness in 60 Seconds
What happens when you allow yourself to be boring is you give yourself that worst case scenario, right? Nothing is worse than this out in a bar or club or a networking event, right? And what that does is it eliminates the need to perform anything, and for me, this only takes 20 to 30 seconds before I feel myself reset. And all of a sudden, I don’t feel like I should do anything after about 20-30 seconds; I kind of feel like I want to because, now, I’m boring myself. Well, I just go home. But at this point, you know you fully reset when you feel that switch from I have got to, I need to do this to I kind of want to now Caveat here, this doesn’t mean that you pull out your phone and your text on your phone for 30 seconds. That’s the opposite. That s you trying to look busy, right? That s the opposite. It doesn’t mean that you go up against the bar or stand there and try to look cool. You try to look powerful.
You release the judgements of everybody else. If they’re going to think you’re boring–totally fine. But you don’t try to look like anything. You let yourself just go slack. Breathe deep, 30 seconds later, you’re going to feel a massive difference, and that’s when step 2 comes in’s this is the Reboot Step 1.
Step 2 is when we want to get started on the right foot, and you have heard me say this before, but the best way to do this is not necessarily to jump in a conversation, but in my experience, is to go to your body. The problem with shyness is that the voices in your head that are telling you that what you have to say isn’t good enough or that you should just shut up, that your hands are in the wrong place.
Those voices are more numerous and louder than your actual voice. You’re not speaking–your interior, not exterior. We got to get you out of your head, and the body is a great place to go. I focus on three things. I’m typically concerned with my arms. I need to move these guys around, for sure. My voice, and when I say my voice, I mean my whole vocal apparatus talking down through my diaphragm, through the pelvic floor.
The deeper I can breathe, the lower I can make my resonance, the better I’m going to feel And then, of course, lastly, once I’d get these things going, my face, my eyes, and my smile. The way I do this depends on the environment. If I’m at a club, I want to go to a place where I can move and make all of these things be as vibrant as possible; that’s the dance floor for me.
So I go to the dance floor, 20-30 seconds, I dance, I will make noise, I would yell to my friends, whatever it is. That’s going to make me feel better.